17 Ways to Know Your Lover
Here are 17 creative ways (quickly produced) to know your spouse and to cultivate romance. These are adapted from The Song of Solomon (SOS). Enjoy and apply.
1. Imagine kissing (1:1). The best dates sometimes begin with imagination. It is proper to fantasize about your spouse. Imagine their lips pressed to yours. In the South we call it Suuggarr.
2. Compare your spouse to wonderful, lovely, exciting things (1:,2,9-10) and tell them that they are like no other (2:2-3). Comparison is healthy when you describe something wonderful and let your spouse know that they are even better than the best things in life.
3. Smell-sweet (2:2,12). This is a matter of being thoughtful. Don't take your spouse for granted and foolishly imagine that since you are married that there is no longer any need to comb your hair, dress decently and smell good.
4. Tell her that she is beautiful and describe her features (2:15). Telling your wife that she is beautiful is a great start but go further and describe her features in the most positive of ways.
5. Delight in one another (2:3). Enjoy the company of your spouse more than anyone else. Enjoy them more than your buddies at work, the ladies at church and even more than your children. Learn what it is to delight in one another.
6. Take her out to a nice dinner and let her know your love (2:14). The SOS lady described the dinner place as a banqueting house. Be creative. Lori and I enjoy discovering new places to eat. I am growing in my abilities to try new foods.
7. Embrace (2:6). Lots of people talk about the value of hugging. Embrace your spouse! Picture this, His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me! Try that!
8. Listen for his voice and call him "my beloved" (2:8). Listen for the sound of your husband coming home. Be ready for him. Greet him at the door. Consider giving him a few minutes to get settled in before unloading the day's problems. Learn to love his voice.
9. Tell her to come away with you and describe what you will see and where you will go (2:10-14). To me this is one of the most beautiful expressions in the Song of Solomon. Arise my love, my beautiful one and come away..(2:10). Then describe the flowers, the fig trees, the vineyards and all that you plan to see and do. One of my favorite songs is, Come Away With Me by Norah Jones. I am not sure that she had The Song of Solomon in mind but her song is appropriate.
On a mountaintop
Come away with me
And I'll never stop loving you
And I want to wake up with the rain
Falling on a tin roof
While I'm safe there in your arms
So all I ask is for you
To come away with me in the night
Come away with me
Words and Music by Norah Jones
10. Speak of one another with clarity that the relationship is exclusive (2:16). You and your spouse need to have no doubts that your relationship is exclusive. Regardless of how exciting you might hear that it is to have an open relationship, it is a lie. You belong to her and she belongs to you. Let that be clear.
11. Invite him to your garden to enjoy the precious fruits (4:16). It is very appropriate to invite your husband, in descriptive ways, to come to the garden (lovemaking). This will get his attention, stay on his mind and encourage him in all the right ways. Make sure that the garden is open and that your husband feels welcome. It is wrong to lock the gates and post security around the entrance so that your husband feels that if he visits the garden that he is allowed in reluctantly.
12. Go to the garden, eat and drink and be intoxicated with love (5:1). Though it may be hard to believe, some guys decline the invitation to the garden. I am not talking about the occasional legitimate reason but regularly declining the invitation. A biblical counselor told me that abstinence in marriage is epidemic even in the church. Accept the invitation with a smile.
13. Talk lovingly about hair, eyes, cheeks, lips, arms, body, legs, mouth in great detail (all of SOS). Both the man and the woman do this in SOS. He likes her eyes, hair, teeth, lips, cheeks, neck, breasts etc. etc (4:1ff) and she says, His arms are rods of gold set with jewels. His body is polished ivory, bedecked with sapphires. His legs are alabaster columns (5:14-15). He will like hearing that he is strong, manly and beautiful. She will appreciate having her beauty described. Don't hold back. Don't save up for a special day. Tell her, tell him...today!
14. Remind him that he is your best friend (5:16). As we have discussed in previous posts on this blog; a friend is someone to walk with, talk with, laugh with, cry with worship with, etc. Your spouse is to be your best friend. Cultivate friendship.
15. Tell her what you plan to do when you are alone together (7:6-9). You have told her how beautiful that she is. You have shared with her your plans (meaning that you have a plan). You have talked of fields and vineyards. Now get even more specific. Fruit awaits--describe your journey to the fruit.
16. Let one another know that you desire each other (7:10). Let your spouse know, in no uncertain terms, that you desire him/her. Communicating desire builds stability (he wants me) and cultivates excitement.
17. Be creative on your dates. Go to fields, villages, vineyards, gardens, mountains and streams (all). Do you do the same old things the same old ways--day after day? Have you ever wondered why God gave us various colors, foods and scenery? Think! Enjoy many different things. Sometimes the evening may call for Jazz. Other nights are perfect for country music. Some times a waltz is in order. Change the pace and try something different on your dates.
Would a marriage retreat be a help to you? Join us in Toccoa, GA on March 16th and 17th for Knowing: The Joy of Discovery in Marriage. Contact us for information (see contact information on the main page of The Dancing Puritan).