The Dancing Puritan

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Someone to Know (Pt. 3): Thoughts on Marriage

Einstein at Princeton 1935


Einstein was well versed in mathematics and physics. His knowledge was vast. He was called the embodiment of pure intellect. His brain was removed shortly after he died in the hope that some insight might be gained into the brilliance of the man. Einstein knew things.

I once attended a lecture where the speaker taught the importance of being a general practitioner but the necessity of being a specialist. Know everything that you can possibly know about anything; be it a brick, a tree, Shakespeare, classical music and you will never lack for an audience.

What does that have to do with marriage? For a marriage to be successful there must be knowledge about many things from cars to check-books. Of most importance is the knowledge of God. John Piper said that, "the scholar must become a lover to know God." The lover has a passion to know the one that loves him and that he loves.

From this knowledge of God (initially at conversion and then a growing knowledge), there is cultivated a passion to know one's spouse. You must major in knowing your lover. The word know is often used in the Bible to refer to intimate knowledge. It is the key Old Testament word to describe sexual intimacy. Intimacy is knowledge but not isolated knowledge. It is knowledge from knowledge. Knowledge that springs from knowing one's spouse.

Knowledge is a fundamental tenet of a healthy marriage.  The lover does not think I have to know, but I get to know. Knowledge in marriage involves the joy of discovery.  It is a life-long pursuit of discovering one's spouse.

The Song of Solomon is a song about the love between a man and a woman. It is a fascinating, descriptive and beautiful love song. It is the music behind the relationship. It is the smile, the dance and the uninhibited expressions of a couple in love. One of the many striking features of the song is the way the couple knows one another.

She knows his kiss, his love, his smell and his character. He knows her cheeks, her neck and all of her features. He knows how to speak of and to her. She knows how to respond. They know by sight, sound, taste and touch. She knows his voice. They know one another like they know no other. In intricate detail they describe one another. They have studied (as a lover) one another and they long to walk through fields, to eat fruit, to talk, to touch and to see their marriage culminated in full sexual intimacy. The kind of abandonment that they had to one another was evident of a deep trust, intense passion and great knowledge.

Do you know your spouse like that?

Husbands there is an adventure awaiting you. You live with a multifaceted person filled with hopes, dreams, opinions and challenges. They may be feeling a bit low right now. They may wonder if you have lost interest in them?  They need to see your eyes light up when you look at them. They long for you to touch them in non-erotic ways so that they will feel loved when you reach out to them sexually.  They need to hear you express your thoughts and feelings for them. They need to hear music, taste fruit, walk in fields, visit vineyards and smell flowers. They need you to help them with the children and relieve them of a chore or two.  They need to know that you love them enough to know them.

Ladies, your husband needs for you to know him. Learn what he likes and what encourages him. There is not a man in the world who does not like to hear from his wife what she admires about him. He needs to know that you respect him, that you understand his challenges and that you want to help him. Mostly he wants to know that you want to be with him. He longs to feel that he is the priority (human) relationship in your life.  He likes it when you are more excited about him than the person who calls, the chores that need attending to and even the child demanding your attention.

Husbands and wives it is not the knowledge of Einstein that you need but the knowledge of a lover.

Practical suggestions next time and please see former posts: Someone to Know Pt 1 and 2.