The Dancing Puritan

Friday, December 6, 2013

A Word to Husbands



Husbands, love your wives, as Christ love the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the word (Ephesians 5:25).

The primary responsibility of a husband is to love his wife. It is sad that some wives seldom (or never) hear or feel that they are loved. On the one hand, it is impossible for a husband to make his wife feel loved. However, there are things that he can do to encourage her that she is loved. His responsibility is not to make her feel loved. His responsibility is to love her and tell her that he loves her. In doing so he is cultivating in her a capacity to know and feel that she is loved. He should do nothing that would argue otherwise.  How can you cultivate in your wife a feeling and a knowledge that she is loved?

1. You should be desirable. When your wife thinks of you, she should have every reason to think of you with desire.

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine; your anointing oils are fragrant; your name is oil poured out; therefore virgins love you (Song of Solomon 1:2-3).

Why did she desire his kisses? Because his love was "better than wine." There was a sweetness, richness, and depth to his love. When she thought of him she thought of the best things in life. Like good wine his love was mature, invigorating, and delightful.  When he came to her mind she imagined kissing him, smelling him ("your anointing oils are fragrant), and she thought of his well-known character ("your name is oil poured out").  Based on these verses, a husband should be a good kisser. He should smell good. He should live a good life. When a man loves a woman, he loves her in every way. Because of love, he cares about how he smells and how he looks. How are you doing?

2. You should tell her that she is loved.  If your  wife does not know that she is loved, it should not be because you have not told her.

Behold, you are beautiful, my love;
behold, you are beautiful;
your eyes are doves (1:15).

It is important for you to regularly tell your wife two things: "I love you" and "You are beautiful."  You should find numerous ways to express your love to her. Though you never compare her negatively to other women (in the sense that she does not measure up) you may compare her positively. 

As a lily among brambles,
so is my love among the young women (2:2).

He describes her beauty in very specific ways (4:1-7; 7:1-9).

How beautiful are your feet in sandals, O noble daughter!
Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a master hand. (7:1-2).

3. You should tell her that you want to be with her.

Come, my beloved, 
let us go out into the fields
and lodge in the villages;
let us go out early to the vineyards
and see whether the vines have budded . . . (7:11-12).

Does your wife know that you love her, that you think she is beautiful, and that you want to be with her? 

Guys, we have a responsibility to learn how to better communicate with our wives. If they do not know and feel that they are loved, it should not because we have failed in our most basic duty to love them.