The Dancing Puritan

Friday, April 11, 2014

A Time To Kiss



Recently I read a post, The "15 Second Kiss" Experiment, by Ryan Frederick. Frederick got my attention! One of the challenges in marriage is time. This is especially true when there is a house full of children and a boatload of responsibilities. We have often laughed at Jimmy Stewart's line (as George Bailey) in Its a Wonderful Life. When George is having his nervous breakdown he asks, "Why do we have to have all of these children anyway?"

I am sure that you are like my wife Lori and me. We love, treasure, and thank God for our children. But, lets be honest, children require a lot of time and attention. Along with the runny noses, broken hearts, and interesting experiments that our children attempt; there are bills to pay, lawns to mow, clothes to fold, and a job to maintain. You know the story.

Who has time to kiss for 15 seconds? As Frederick points out 15 seconds is not that long of a time, except when you are kissing. He writes:

We burn 15 seconds all the time without thinking about it. We sit on our phones, daydream, work around the house, you name it – 15 seconds is a short amount of time for most tasks. However, when you’re kissing and consciously timing it, 15 seconds seems to be longer. And that’s a good thing!

Snap your finger while counting to 15. Imagine kissing that entire 15 seconds in the midst of your day. Yes, I mean times other than when the bedroom door is closed: 15 seconds before leaving for the office. 15 seconds when getting home from work. 15 seconds on Saturday before lunch. 15 seconds before leaving for church on Sunday.

15 seconds is just long enough to require a cease-fire from all other activities (bills, laundry, diaper changes) and to look into the eyes of your spouse, inch closer, connect the lips, and savor a kiss.

Why will accepting Frederick's 15-second kiss challenge be helpful? Think about it. How often do you race past your spouse in a given day? How often do you just rub shoulders, without much thought, because you are running to the next house-emergency? The person who you pass by is running on fumes, and desperately in need of affection. Studies show, and people often testify, that kissing is one of the most intimate acts of affection in the treasure-chest of intimacy.

Lori and I often find it difficult to have an uninterrupted minute of conversation in the midst of the steady current of life that keeps sweeping us downstream. Decisions are made on the fly as breathlessly we deal with the next issue, engage the next project, and race to the next event. We often struggle to engage one another in substantive ways. The reality is, the raging river is not going to slow down and the current will keep on moving. However, we can choose to get out of the river, take the next exit, find a quiet refuge, and kiss. Even 15 seconds might take some planning, but it will be well worth it.

It is possible to live alone even in marriage. Not being alone is more than occupying the same house, sleeping in the same bed, and riding in the same vehicle to church on Sunday. "Two are better than one," means more than being in geographical proximity to another person. It means inter-connectivity, interlocked arms, heart-to-heart, mind-to-mind, and lips-to-lips connectivity. To not be alone in marriage requires the sun to stand still on occasion, at least for a few seconds. It requires collapsing into the arms of your spouse, holding, touching, talking, and kissing.

Perhaps 15 seconds will prime the heart, cultivate desires, and push this issue of connectivity to the point of making some plans that include face-to-face time with your spouse.


George: What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That's a pretty good idea. I'll give you the moon, Mary.
Mary: I'll take it. Then what?
George: Well, then you could swallow it, and it'd all dissolve, see? And the moonbeams' shoot out of your fingers and your toes, and the ends of your hair... Am I talking too much?
Old Man: Yes! Why don't you kiss her instead of talking her to death?
George: How's that?
Old Man: Why don't you kiss her instead of talking her to death?
George: Want me to kiss her, huh?      It's a Wonderful Life (Quote Here

So, you ask, "Do you want me to kiss her?" That's right. Better than giving her the moon, give her the sort of kiss that may make her daydream like Solomon's girl. She said, "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth" (Song of Solomon 1:1).