The Dancing Puritan

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Sick in Love

"I am sick with love." 
Song of Solomon 2:5

Lovesickness is prominent in music, books, and movies. However, those mediums usually fail to grasp what it really means to be "sick with love." The Bible, however, gets it right. It is a fascinating book that takes the careful reader by surprise. The Bible offers, The Song of Solomon (SOS), which is certainly surprising. It is surprising, in part, because even Christians, often fail to see, taste, touch, grasp, and ponder the generosity of God. Therefore, when they encounter the lavish generosity of God in the Bible, they are surprised.

God is generous to his children in all things, including marriage. Ephesians chapter five makes it clear that marriage is a portrait of the gospel. Therefore, when reading Solomon's Song it is essential to keep the big picture of marriage in view; Marriage is about Christ and His church. In Solomon's portrayal of the deep, happy, sweet, unselfish, and even giddy love between a man and his wife we should see a snapshot of the treasury of God's generosity to us in Christ.

So, why are we surprised to read of unashamed expressions of marital love in the Bible? The truth is we should be surprised not to find uninhibited displays of romantic/erotic love. Perhaps, we need to saturate ourselves more in the sweet waters of God's goodness.

Our problem with the numerous sexual expressions in SOS is partly the result of a faulty theology of sexuality. Often embedded deep within the recesses of our hearts is the idea that intimacy, even in marriage, is a sort of "guilty pleasure." Sex is perceived to be naughty and dark, even between a husband and his wife.

Marital sex that is rooted in the gospel and driven by the Scripture is not dirty. It is a gift from God to be enjoyed. Marital sex is enjoyed by employing all of our senses with our most sanctified imagination. God is glorified when we receive his gifts and enjoy them for His glory and our good, even our pleasure. God is glorified when we are "sick with love" in a SOS sort-of-way. 

Lovesickness is a good thing. Yes, there is a Nicholas Sparks' love sickness that misses the mark and that is totally unsustainable. It is a worldly kind of "love" that is dreamy, ungrounded, and unstable. It is  lustful "love" that does not require marriage. It is fleshly and wandering. It is celebrated vicariously through books, magazines, the Internet, and the theatre, but it is woefully lacking. It is lacking because, at heart, it is self-centered. Godly marital intimacy, like the gospel that drives it, is first of all directed outwards. The husband seeks to bring pleasure to his wife and the wife to her husband. And both husband and wife find delight in the pleasures of the other. When a wife works in the marriage bed for the joy of her husband, the result is that she experiences greater pleasure than if she focused on her own isolated happiness.

Biblical lovesickness is grounded in Scripture and therefore saturated in the generosity and creativity of God as displayed in the gospel. Biblical lovesickness requires one to swim in the deep waters of God's grace. It requires knowing that God gives to his children not only what they need but also what they do not need. God is generous like that.

When we get wrapped up in eating, drinking, work, and sex for the sensations that such gifts give to us, then we cannot enjoy them, as we ought. When we understand that sex is a gift from God to be enjoyed by working for the rapturous delight of our spouse, to the glory of God, then God will keep us "occupied with joy." (Ecclesiastes 5:20) 

The husband, who views sex from a SOS perspective, would never do anything to purposefully bring pain to his wife. No! He is totally focused on her pleasure. When he focuses on her pleasure, lovesickness is cultivated. And the result will be a heartsickness over anything that deviates from the ultimate well being of their marriage.